Life Love & Friendship

My eldest daughter ate great as a baby and toddler and at the age of about 2 she started to become fussy about what she ate. At that age we had clear rules - if you didn't eat dinner, no pudding, simple! It worked with her but it has sometimes been a long hard slog. She is getting better now but it is still a struggle getting her to eat new things - if I serve up 1 of the 7 ish meals that she likes (excluding the oven cooked convienience foods which she gets once in a blue moon when with me), then she eats it great. If I introduce a new meal we have uproar. I made a risotto a few weeks ago and she helped me make it, even said how lovely it looked and smelt. I thought I had cracked it - but no, she didnt like the texture as it was "too thick and gloopy" - her words exactly! But 7 meals, well thats 1 per day of the week.

To cut a long story short though, as per my previous post, money is tight at the minute. So I decided that as B gets free school meals I would cook a big pot of stew and that would feed us for the week at a fraction of the cost of doing a different meal each day. I pre warned, sorry, ok'ed it with B, and thought great! H has never been fussy, the only thing until now she hasn't liked and spits out without fail is broccolli. So when I served up a lovely beef stew on Monday and she pushed it away I was a little shocked. She didnt even try and eat it. She did have a slice of bread which she dipped in her gravy and she ate her yoghurt for pudding. Tuesday, same thing except she had 3 slices of bread dipped in the gravey and one bite of potato. Wednesday she almost tipped it ever where and cried when I walked in with her dish - and thats before she even aw what was in it. She ate 1 slice of bread and then promptly told me "no" and handed back her dish.

Now I think she may be teething with her back teeth, hence why she is opting for soft foods, bread is filling and then yoghurt and fruit is soft and cool on her gums. And she had a huge cold last week and is just recovering from that too. So I may be panicing when there isnt an issue. I also know it could be worse as a friend of mine has a 17 month old who is only now starting to accept the idea of eating solids - and thats only when she is in the mood!! My issue is that being a single mum the onus is on me to get things right all the time. If she goes to see Daddy and anything is different it always comes back to me - as if it's my fault all the time.

So I am now left wondering what way to go. No pudding rule is fair enough, but I don't want to jump down that road incase it is teeth and being under the weather, so I'm not going there yet. But I have 2 choices as I see it - give her what I cook and just vow not to get upset and annoyed if she refuses it, or, give her something I know she will eat which would be a diet of bread at the moment! Fruit and yoghurt for puddings don't seem to be an issue at this stage so she is still getting the other food groups. And then I am thinking do I get some kids smoothy drinks (Innocent smoothies are fantastic with no added crap, but the reason I stopped buying them is they are so expensive).

One thing is for sure though, I don't believe that all kids will eat all foods if thats what they are given. I ate everything as a baby/toddler, yet was fussy for most of what I remember of my childhood - only since being diagnosed aneamic at 19 have I started eating veg, and fruit has never been a big thing for me. In fact I couldn't bear to eat salad until while I was pregnant with H and now I love it. So I am not about to force her to eat what she doesn't want to eat, but money and health have to be considered! I guess I am just mentally preparing for the worst..........any ideas or advice greatly accepted!

So anyone who is friends with me on facebook, or in "real life" - yes there really is still one - will know that I went to the doctors recently, without giving too many needless details I went due to excrutiating stomach pain when needing to go for a #2. Now this sort of thing isnt that of normal conversation over coffee with friends, so the fact I had mentioned it to others and made a doctor's appointment shows how bad the issue had got, I had been ignoring it for 3 weeks. So my doctor did blood tests, which came back clear apart from 1 thing being slightly raised but not enough to indicate an issue.

So today I went back to the doctor as I am still in pain daily and it's not getting any easier. So she is stumpped apparently as she can't pinpoint a condition as my symptoms don't match anything exactly. She examined my stomach and told me to say if it hurt. So I pointed out when she pressed where it is tender to which she pressed harder and said "What there?" - Ouch, why do doctors press harder when you say it hurts!

So now I have to go have more blood tests, one of which is a screen for cealiacs, although she tells me this is highly unlikely as I don't have diorrhea and am not aneamic. So now I am left in limbo, if the blood tests still dont show anything and I am still in pain what happens then! I do ask myself is the pain psychological in that I am expecting to get these cramps and so I do, but am feeling something that's worse than in reality it is, or am I just wierd. IBS was mentioned at my 1st appointment but it wasnt mentioned today - does that mean blood tests have ruled that out? All I do know is that it doesnt look like a simple infection treatable with antibiotics, so this is for the long haul and I may in effect not get any answers very quickly. After the pain I went through having Harriet I would have thought I could cope with a little bit of stomach cramp, but its doubling me over some days!

Guess its a case of watch this space but if anyone has been through similar it would be handy to know what I should expect to happen from here, or rather what to ask for if tests still show nothing!

Ok, for some this article will be what they are expecting, for others it will make no sense at all. But I am here by declaring officially that I am suffering from OCD - Obsessive Cullen Disorder. If at this point you have no idea what I am on about I suggest you read the Twilight books or watch the film - although the books are better!

It's mad, it really is! Like being in love for the 1st time again, only truth be told I don't know if it would be possible to love a real human man this way!! That's the problem, the fictitional character Edward Cullen is so perfect in every way - even in the sense that he's not likely to leave through death as he is a vampire and already dead! My issue therefore is that being a single mum bringing up 2 girls, noone is ever going to be good enough for me or them!!! I am going to have to compromise or spend eternity alone, and is eternity alone if I have my Twilight fix every day lol!!!!

My condition isn't helped by all the people I know who love Twilight, and more specifically Edward, just like I do, although I will argue I love him the most!!! In fact I only know of 1 person who has watched the film and attempted the books and doesnt get it!! I even have my 6 year old daughter hooked already!

In my whole life, I have come across things I have been "addicted to", I mean I was very into Take That the 1st time round, and other boy bands too. I am a reluctant Big Brother fan and always watch most episodes of every series. But nothing stands up to Twilight, there is something about it that has captured not only my heart but the hearts of the majority of women around me - yes I'm talking women, not the teenage girls the books are aimed at! Even Harry Potter didn't get people like this, and I was pretty hooked to those books!

Any theories on how to create an Edward Cullen, I want the big bucks that come with it, oh and if anyone finds where the real Edward is hiding please give him my number!!!

I have now been single for 19 months and initially I was on maternity leave and as such managed to save a little and live comfortably. In Jan this year I got my last pay packet before becoming a single mum on benefits. I am now faced with the situation where I am struggling each month to have the money to pay all the bills. When I say that, I do have my money in a seperate account with which we live off, £80 per week. I have cut back where I need to, I have given up my 20 a day smoking habit, stopped buying things on the internet (as my card account is now the bill account with no spare money) and only buy what we really need.

A weeks shopping for me and my girls averages around £50 when including those little bits that need getting midweek, the extra loaf or pint of milk for example. So that leaves me £30 a week. With this I am supposed to clothe all 3 of us, buy shoes, pay for school trips and also allow for the little treats that keep the 3 of us sane!

So I am by no means ok, but I am managing at the moment. All it would take is the washing machine to break down, for example, and I don't know what I would do. I am thankfull for what I do have, and I know this wont be forever, but I am now faced with the decision of whether to go back to work or not.

Truth of the matter is I really don't know, One minute I want to, for the money, for me to meet new people. Yet the next minute I sit and work out I would need a very well paid job to make it worth my while when I take into account childcare, buying and running a car etc. But also I think of my girls. Now Bethany won't really notice much difference as I would initially go back within school hours and so would still drop her off and pick her up. Harriet loves nursery but at the moment only goes a few days for a couple of hours. She is not even 18 months yet and I do worry going back now would be difficult for her. On top of all that is my divorce, the fact that if I go back to work I am likely to loose my legal aid which will mean another bill to pay!

It's a hard one and there are arguements for and against every angle on it - I have to change heads from mother, worker, carer, and me - its not easy. So many things about being a parent are harder than ever can be imagined, its so hard to have faith that the decisions we make are the right ones!

Ever just had one of those days where you just want to cry at everything?

I don't know what's wrong with me today, maybe it's the fact I am full of cold, maybe it's the fact I am worrying (like many these days) about money - or rather the lack of, maybe it's just because I am tired or maybe it's SAD! I don't know what it is but feeling like this only becomes more frequent during the cold and dark months of winter and I hate it!

Today is one of my busier days of the week and I normally feel great on a Wednesday as I get to see my friends for the afternoon and normally fit in a trip to the park or feed the ducks too. Today a woke up with one of those horrible full of cold heads. I took some Sudofed and took Bethany school. Then I came straight home instead of visiting the park because Harriet is full of cold too and I knew if she didn't have a nap she would be ratty come this time as she goes to nursery on Wednesday afternoons. I did a few bits I needed to do and did a bit of tidying, made Harriet's packed lunch and went to nursery. Then off I went to the Children's Centre for a couple of hours of adult time. I'm now sat at home and dinner is in the oven, It is a normal Wednesday so I don't know why but I just feel like sitting here and crying!

All in all life is good, I love my girls and we are settled and happy. I'm skint, but still no where near as skint as when I was with my ex. I can put food on the table and thankfully right now the girls arnt in need of clothes so it's not as if I am in a bad financial situation, just can't afford the luxuries right now. I've had to cancel Harriet's nursery place which I'm a little gutted about but the original reasoning behind the place is not there any more. She gets social interaction with plenty of other kids now and I don't need that time for me any more as I get me time at other points in the week. On the plus though I am addressing the financial situation before it's a major issue and so no where near as concerned about it as I have been in the past.

I think about other people who have more on their plate than me and wonder why, when things are so good do I feel so down. I mean there really is no reason for it! On the whole I am happier now than I have been for years! I saw on TV the other day a theory that we have to feel sad sometimes, just so we can appreciate the happy times. Is that why I have days like this sometimes? I don't know, but I guess I just want some reasurance I'm normal on this one! Anyone else have days like this, or is it just me?

Yep you can all guess what this post is about then eh!!!

Well anyone who knows me well enough knows I am the master of tantrums! My daughters take after me, and after today I think I have found my successor! One thing that worked with Bethany until she was old enough to realise everyone has their breaking point, is ignoring it. This week at my parenting group we also spoke about tantrums, and again the general opinion was ignore it. So far Harriet's tantrums have been pretty calm and either at home or when I have been able to just carry on walking with the pushchair.

After visiting the park today, we called in at Tesco to get the naughty chocolate cake for pudding and then headed towards school to pick up Bethany. We had extra time than normal so I let Harriet walk for a short while, holding my hand for extra support (she's been walking a week now!). When her legs got tired it was time to go back in the pushchair, which didn't go down to well. The initial little spat lasted all of 2 minutes and as I was walking down the street it really didn't phase me at all.

We were at school a little early and so managed to get to sit on one of the benches in the playground and thats when the real fun began. Harriet decided she wanted to get out of her pushchair and I said no, well lo and behold it was as if I had tied her up and stuck pins in her! Needless to say I decided to ignore the tantrum.

Now something we talked about in my parent group, and something that is my reasoning behind writing a blog post about the event, is the reaction of those around me. Being in the school playground, everyone around me had been there at some point no doubt so I was hoping for a good response. I was fascinated though!

After 5 minutes a mum on the next bench along said pityfully "Are you having a stressful day?" - to which I promptly replied "No, just letting it run it's course!" I actually didn't feel stressed at all at this point, surprisingly I felt more in control than had I been trying to pander to Harriet in getting her to be quiet!

A few more minutes passed and a mum I don't know sat at the other end of the bench and this was enough distraction for Harriet to stop. So I started talking to her and giving positive attention, well that just started her off again, so much so the mum at the end of the bench stood up and walked away!

Another mum walked past and commented to Harriet about the noise she was making, it didn't help, so I reiterated as loud as possible without sounding like a demented mother, that I was trying out the ignore technique! I actually still felt in control and completely calm! Then I was shocked at what happened next. A mum who's daughter is in Bethany's class, but has never spoken to me before, came and sat down beside me and asked if I was ok with a smile on her face - not is Harriet ok, and not talking to her, but talking to me! She said that as much as she was relieved it wasn't her kids screaming down the school, she knew how I felt and dealt with it the same way. She also said she knows how it feels to have all the other parents staring as if to say "Will you shut her up!". In that instant I felt great! Not only had someone come and complimented me on how I was handling the situation, but in the process of talking to someone else I had truely paid no attention to Harriet and the tantrum had stopped!

So I am still a believer in the ignore technique! And having had someone come and give me positive feedback while doing it, I would say next time you see someone with a screaming kid, trying to ignore it, go and say well done to them. It will help them feel better and may even help the child's tantrum come to an end! Would love to hear if anyone has done that in the past and what response they got!

Today I went to the park with my daughter and went into panic, when I got into view of the field and noticed - the fair has arrived!!! Trouble is my panic mode is due to the fact that we stereotype people, and I know that! So off I went with Harriet in tow and we played in the park as usual. I found myself always making sure the pushchair was in clear view and that I could see my bag. Then had to reassure myself that I do that anyway so it has nothing to do with the fair! Two girls, children of some of the fair workers, came into the park and Harriet, as she always does when older kids are in the park, became very clingy and so we ended up leaving.

Whenever the fair is in town, here or where ever I have lived, it has always been an unsaid, and lets be fair, openly said thing that there could be trouble, lock your doors, make sure the kids put their nikes away etc etc. Only thing I ever remember personally is being ripped off when I went to the fair as a kid!!

But then I started to think of the pluses of fair life. Never being inthe sameplace for too long. Kids learning by living not being in school 5 days a week. Being your own boss and living and working in a close knit community. Sounded a bit of a dream life for all of 5 minutes until I thought about how cold caravams must be in the winter!

Lets just say by the time I got home, I wasn't so worried about the fair being in town! Well,not for another couple of years until Bethany is old enough to go!!!

Is it me, or does this happen when you have kids? I cannot sit still and have a lazy day any more! It's just not in my nature. Before having kids, on my days off from work, I could quite happily sit in jogging bottoms and have a duvet day and not leave the house - but since becoming a mum almost 7 years ago, I just can't do it anymore!

This weekend the girls have been with their dad, my parents who live round the corner and I usually see on a weekend, have been away and this morning I really had nothing I needed to do. Ok so a little bit of house work and washing but nothing I needed to rush for.

I woke at 9am and tried to stay in bed and enjoy the fact that I didn't have 2 kids shouting at me to get up - but I couldn't and I was out of bed by 10 past! So downstairs I came to a cold living room (my heating is playing up), so promptly went back upstairs to get dressed. I then made myself a bacon sarnie (well it's Sunday!) and switched on the tv and the laptop. Hmmmm, by this time "Something for the weekend" was just starting and I started searching the web for interesting things to do!

To cut a long story short my "duvet day" turned into me going to buy a pine shoe rack, come home, build it and now it's almost 2pm and I am only just sitting down. My parents are home and the girls will be back in 4 hours! I had all good intentions of doing NOTHING today, and I physically cannot do it. Is it because I am a mum and so if I do nothing now I realise what a waste of precious time that is, or is it just me - my parents are the same so I wonder if it's genetic! Trouble is, in theory the thought of a day filled with nothing but lazing around really sounds great!

Having written a couple of blogs and got some pretty good feedback so far, I thought now would be a good time to cover a little of a subject close to my heart.........relationships!

Ok so I am now 31, I have 2 kids and they are my world, so anyone who comes into my life has to be prepared to be in their lives too. Trouble is where am I supposed tomeet my Mr Right? Having been on a few nights out lately I have realised that going "on the pull" isn't for me now. I don't work so the only people I do have contact with are other parents, who are generally female!

So what about the net? Well I have given that a go, and I admit I have met some very nice guys online, but they are all just friends, no one with that spark. On the whole though most of the guys I have been in contact with on the net are just wierd!

So that leaves chance encounters at the park, the supermarket etc. But I am so shy (yes I know hard to believe) but when I am in a situation like at the park, or on a day out with the kids, I never end up speaking to other people because thats just not me!

Now don't get me wrong I am not sitting her dwelling on the fact I am single and getting all depressed about it, yes I sometimes have my moments but in general I love my life at the minute and I love that it's as a single mum. But I do often sit and worry that I am now at the age where most people are in couples and I'm going to be "left on the shelf". Everyone keeps saying my Mr Right will turn up when I least expect it, but I honestly don't expect it to ever happen! I'm not after sympathy, but if anyone has any nice single friends let me know!!!! It would just be nice to have a special someone to hug and go out with and snuggle up on the sofa with - all the things I took for granted when I was in a relationship.

I'm hoping this post doesnt make me sound like some desperate spinster - I'm not, I just would like to feel special to someone again and I have no idea where to look for the possible suiter!

Ok so being a single parent has its perks in that I get every other weekend "off" (yes I know not all single parents have this "luxury" but believe me I would have my girls with me 365 days a year if it was my choice!) - but I am getting slightly sick of the "parent play off" that goes on.  I'm going out on a limb here because I know anyone could read this - but this is my blog and my place to sound off so I am going to, if I offend anyone all I ask is that you disregard who you are in relation to me, and imagine being in my shoes!

So every other Friday my ex arrives at school home time to take my babies away for his weekend access. Now any parent will admit that home time is a manic time of the day, what with getting changed and wanting a drink or snack etc, it's also a time where the clock seems to tick twice as fast! I was asked in the week if I could allow him to get away with the kids a bit quicker, without all the messing around after school. The messing around being my 6 year old daughter getting changed! Now the reason I was given for this is that by the time he has driven 20 mins away to his home, the girls get tea late because he also has to cook. He has a new partner, I have no sympathy for his rush rush attitude because I do it all on my own every day and rather than complain about little inconvieniences I love being a full time mum! To me if that time is inconvienient for collecting them, come after tea? It's not as if I want him in my house any longer than he needs to be.

Today however, he collected our daughter from school and got to mine later than normal because he wanted to take her to the book fair. He has put a book by for her and she will collect it on Monday. What's the issue? The issue is that I had already told her she couldn't havea book from the fair because they are cheaper else where. She was very happy with my explanation and was looking forward to helping me look on the net for books for her. Today she came home with the "Daddy bought me a book" line. Don't get me wrong, I am glad he makes the effort, but as both my daughters are in need of new shoes, and I have told him this, what's the betting they don't get what they need from him. Yes he does pay maintenence, but I live on £80 per week after all my bills are paid, that has to feed and clothe the 3 of us before we even think about special treats and days out. He works for a very good wage and could help out occassionally, yet anything he does buy has to stay at his house - with shoes inparticular I don't see the point in that because the girls are not there enough to get the wear out of them before they out grow them.

Now don't get me wrong, I know alot of fathers who just see the kids fortnightly don't help out at all, or if they do it's minimal. He has never let the girls down in picking them up when he says he will, he has never failed to pay me maintenence each month but he does come across as trying to compensate for not being there by buying things, which especially with Bethany, makes her ask for more when she is at home, and I just cant afford it! Yet he seems to miss that deep down one of our little girls is very much like her mother, happy go lucky on the outside, but a time bomb waiting to explode on the inside.

I also have to say a big thankyou to one of my step mum friends, who has helped me see it all from the "other woman" angle. Although not through the same circumstances, you have made me more accepting of how the whole single parent/ step family thing works. For the record I hate it, and I also acknowledge no matter what he does I would never be happy because when I had a family I never saw that as something that would involve seperated parents.

Wow, that went on a little, and I think I went off on a bit of a rant that actually now I think about it, is pretty pointless especially as I admit nothing would be good enough. The important thing to me though is Bethany in all this because I really do worry she is bottling too much up, and as much as I tell her, she doesn't seem to want, or know how, to fully open up to anyone!